Motivated today

I fear the apathy has resided. Fear - not really but it does make me kinda cautious about myself. I think 2 weeks ago I broke down crying at small group for really no reason and today that seems like eons ago. There you go for those 'newbies' who might not think I cry. I am actually really good at it - especially for no reason at all. The past 10 days or so though I have really discovered, though really by no means on my own, some serene perspective on things. Somehow God has tipped my analytical, prioritizing tendencies in His favor. Not that I dont care - but things just seem right - right where they are.
(Hold on I have to sit down in fetal position. I just drank some milk straight from the jug and I am feeling ill. I am lactose intolerant but I only chose to believe it when it conveniences me - like when I want something specifically non-dairy but the only options are dairy. I was feeling so confident - even in my milk drinking...and now - wham! Ouch. I'll be back)



Okay, not better but tolerable. I don't know if I will try harder to elaborate on this. If you have felt that peace that passes all understanding than you feel me and if not, well, you are missing out. Missing out big time. This truly is a peace only from above....from somewhere beside myself and my circumstances.

Nothing has changed - tangibly atleast. But on a larger scale - God has helped transformed my lens from which I view things. This is the most liberating gift I could receive these days as my combo of anxiety and apathy are starting to wear me out.

Even in my 9 hour sales meeting I was real motivated to kick it in to kick butt sales gear and perform. It is likely that this actual motivation will not harbour too long but it was good to feel it again.

Okay, no mas from me. I am going to suck my thumb now in a ball on the floor. Ouch....