Where is Betsy?

Far far away.
Floating in some other hypotehtical world far far away.
No, I am not smoking.
I know it is Wednesday but really..?...??...a Wednesday in the middle of Ju-freaking-ly????? What have I been doing all year long? Is it really another Wednesday in another July in the 21st century (is that right?)

I was in the shower this morning looking at the odd space we have for a shower in the upstairs bathroom (It is not any particular shape that we learned in kindergarten). I was staring at the funny orange color that has slowly evolved in the corner of the ceiling from the steam in the shower. I stare at this orange funk everyday. I have taken more showers in that shower than any other place I have lived sice highschool. Mind blowing to me but maybe a little TMI for you. What have I done in between all of those showers over the past 2 years?

I wrote a previous blog in the past few months about how I am not good with change. And wouldn't you know I am standing there in the shower about to get to the 2nd shampooing that I routinely do and I am wanting change so badly that I start creating it myself. I jumped straight to the leg shaving segment rather than finishing with the hair. I even turned the water to that uncomfortable place just slightly south of warm. Yes, Gnarles, I am crazy!

Yes, I know I am just talking about minor changes but it is symbolic of desired change on a much broader spectrum. So maybe really, we always want what we can't have or we wish we were where we weren't or there is just not any win-win situation in this stage of the game? Maybe my resistance to change lead to my learning to embrace it and now I am just ready for the action piece of this whole plan? Maybe there are too many question marks in this blog???

Needless to say, as much as I adore my living conditions and even love the oddly shaped shower and sharing the shower with Catie (not at the same time) and I love smelly couch and our shady neighbors and a dirty kitchen. . .Even though I have become used to the opposite lock on the front door and iti s now second nature to turn the key to the left rather than the right to unlock...and even though I dont even notice the foul stinch in the basement or the koolaid stains on the counter....I wonder if I will ever be in another place. Yes, literally as in location but figuratively too....I really can't fathom it. Do we really all just float on? as Mr Modest Mouse proclaims??? Granted, this may be the cup is broken and cracked perspective that I am sharing today and tomorrow I will once again feel purposeful but for today, in the shower and often as I complete those routine things that I do on a daily basis - I do feel like the Wednesdays are just floating by. I hope I didnt rain on your parade today - I am really not feeling negative just feeling like I am watching everything go by as I am drifting in one of those big Goodyear blimps.

Soon enough I am sure I will fall off the side of the blimp and then once again beg for some sort of serenity and consistency. Hopefully in the mean time I find a healthy balance between complacency and aspiration. Until then I'll keep watching the orange funk climb down the wall.

Happy Wednesday!