Certainly uncertain

My mama called me today to give me a recap on her 2 weeks in Germany and Switzerland. I feel like my parents were gone for months and in between there was a whole bunch of life that happened. I really missed them too. Normally when they take these trips they are contacting us so often that I barely notice they are gone but this time I really missed talking to my parents especially amid the ups and downs of the past few weeks.
So naturally she asked me how my week was and how my job is...her usual questions. To be honest, I really don't even have the energy to think about how my week or day was. I have overstretched myself again from work to volunteering to planning things, small group to birthdays and the like. I work best though when I am over extended. I have accomplished more things on that eternal checklist in the last 2 weeks than I have all year! I crave that type of pressure as I love seeing things checked off the list. Whether there is any benefit nor true reward in this - I don't know? Anyway, how was my week in one word...rich.
So rich you can only really take one bite of it...enough to taste it enjoy it but then you got to put the fork down for a little bit. God has opened my eyes to so much lately that I find my head churning at every red light, in the shower and everywhere in between.
God is BIG. Big isn't big enough to describe the big that I am thinking.
The end.

I wish I could just say that and have it's full meaning seep into your brain. My class this week was revolutionary. The professor was no extraordinary speaker even though she had done extraordinary things. Her delivery was solid though and you could tell because of her experiences that her words were filled with passion and personal conviction. She spoke specifically on the movement of the gospel from Jerusalem 2006 years ago. You know when you are listening to something and then you literally get swept up in the words and then your mouth hangs open and you find yourself literally experiencing whatever you are hearing? This is me. Mouth wide open, drool and that odd/ugly face that shows that I obviously don't think anyone is watching. Nice.
She gave beautiful specific examples of how the early disciples carried the message of Jesus' life and resurrection to those directly in their sphere of influence and then slowly to those who were not like them. She told stories of people and nations that had taken a stand for their beliefs in order that today we are even exposed to the truths in the bible. People have been passionate about their faith in Jesus for a long time! Newsflash to me. Seriously, somehow the pop culture that I tend to thrive in has made me think that our passion for authentic Truth is something unprecedented. I was so humbled to hear the stories of maybe one man living and dying in order to pass on the Truth that he had found. One man in particular was St. Patrick. When I think St. Patrick I think Savannah and green beer. Our professor on the other hand gave us a moving story of an Irish boy sold into slavery. This same boy eventually ends up impacting his entire nation for Christ. Cheers to that!
What a powerful feeling to realize as MJ said best once himself, you are not alone! I am encouraged by feeling the power that is unleashed as you realize that history has been shaped by the same undying passion that I feel for God among ordinary people just like me.
This was all Thursday night. Skip to Friday.
I am literally sitting on the grassy knoll outside of the conference center in which I am volunteering. It is 75 degrees and not a cloud in the sky and my friends, 10,000 other leaders and a few of my friends were soaking up the afternoon after a morning of fabulous teaching. We end up meeting some conference attenders that were out of towners. We make great small talk and 6 hours later we are all sitting around a dinner table enjoying eachothers stories and introductions. God is so big.
Had you asked me if our little fortunate encounter would bare any impact on my week when we first met I would have told you it was like any other casual meeting (of what happens to be cute boys!) Then, as I sit happily among new friends and old I have one of those oddly comforting moments when you know that there a lot more than what meets the eye. Our new friends are extremely talented soccer players who have used their God-given skills to take them to countries I couldn't begin to pronounce. They go to play soccer and they go to share the love of God. One of our newest friends does this as a living every single day. God is working through a little white and black ball. How refreshing to sit among someone who has his passion and purpose written on his heart. Earlier that day my friend Sally asked me if I was ready to know what it is that God wanted to do with me. Often I so easily say that I want to do something bigger and bolder with my days. Then Sally asks this question and I wonder if I even know yet what it is that I want to be bigger and bolder for???
Hence the title of this random post - I am certain about one thing when it comes to my role here on this side of heaven: I am uncertain. I am uncertain and I am perfectly okay with that. This week I fully realized the power in the present moment. As I say often but obviously I don't listen to myself - I am where I am right now for a reason. Maybe I do not even know yet what it is that I am supposed to be passionate about...is it corporate ministry??? Is it singles in the city of Atlanta? Is it starving African children or is it simply (but profoundly) those unnoticed people that run in and out of each of our days? No answer. I do know certainly though that my uncertainty is not left to fend for itself. I have learned that I am where I am for a reason and I am learning something for some reason yet to be known. I am being molded and refined and though I thought it should have happened a year or two ago - God is always refining something. Thank, God, right? How dreadful to be complacent in the middle of uncertainty? Yuck.
So, yes, mama, my week was great. I enjoyed taking bubble baths in your jaccuzzi tub while you were away and I enjoyed making my eggs in the morning on your luxurious stove that so perfectly makes my eggs. I loved spending time with my baby sister and I loved having someone else to worry about. I attended an amazing conference and I was able to run every afternoon at the mountain at the perfect time of day. The weather has been perfect and my business is doing great. I am uncertain though and I love it! My eyes have been opened even more so to the small but intricate role I may be playing in the big story of God. I feel like I have said this for 2 years now but I know God is up to something even amid the uncertainty. I know I will be used and even better - I even know in my refinement I am being used now. What I'll be doing next month? Great question. The only thing I know is the only thing I need to know is that God knows and I don't and I trust. Among all the uncertainty I trust.

I think I can take another bite now.