bump....skiiiiiiidddd....crash

That is how I feel about 25. (Mama, don't take this personally and read the next blog as I will go over the ramblings of the finest birthday party EVER thrown.) Today is the day. I guess 9.5 hours and 25 years ago I was brought into this world graciously to my parents who I am sure would admit at the time (and it is obvious by the FAT baby pictures mounted around the house) had no clue how to take care of a little betsy, much less feed me to shut me up. Mama would probably say I have always needed a little extra tending too....not high maintenace - just special. I tend to be the overthinker of the family, of many of my friends and of many people my age for that matter. Thus brings me to today. Sitting in my pj's, I've resorted back to a coloring book for peace and a quiet Sunday to ring in the 25th year. I LOVE to celebrate birthdays and love to have reasons to celebrate others. Life is too short and too harsh not too. But really today (after the celebration of all celebrations lastnight) I wanted noting to do with celebrating myself. I started to feel the gloom lurk over. It's not that another year does a thing to me. 22, 25, 29 - i am positive until 30 they all run together. I guess what I did hope for a New Year and a new age was a new start and a new mentality. If you dont know me you'd probably naviagate away at this point because I am sounding very 'glass-half-full-ish' which isnt normally in my nature. Really, though, the birthday weekend has been so fun (and please read the next blog to see my happy thoughts) - I just don't want to start another year kinda feeling down on myself. This shouldn't be publicly blogged, I know but I guess I see so many people that get the random blues a few times a year and it all has to do with lies that we believe about ourself. I know my Creator wants me to see me as He sees me everyday in all situations. What a disgrace that I might look at His creation, that is fearfully and wonderfully made and look for areas of improvement. I am not talking about the exterior fully either. I was created in image of Him, in His likeness and yet can still sometimes wonder why or where things fell short. I hope my openness at all helps even just me (but maybe you) to sincerely look at the creation that God made in even weakness and strength as a remarkable one. Even the thought that God's own hand touched my heart and made it compassionate, and touched my soul and made it vulnerable to the simplest of things, and breathed life giving air into my lungs is humbling. Today in fighting this gloom I have tried to picture the prettiest of things I know...Grand Canyon at sundown, the thought of my baby brother giving his life to Christ, Kennesaw Mountain in the latter half of the 5 o clock hour, the sight of my parents embracing after nearly 30 years of commitment, Highway 1 on the west coast as the fog rises over the Pacific ocean, my parents back porch on a sunny Sunday afternoon....all of these things were authored by the very same Artist that visioned and molded me! I am not sure a better reminder of the masterpiece God created in me exists. There is beauty all around because we were created by a beautiful, omnipotent, all-creative, all-seeing God. How can I possibly let another year go by not daily recognizing my worth alone in His eyes. I think what was yucky about today was that my heart knows that I was created to glorify God in all I do - not to doubt that what He made was his best use of time??? Then I start to feel bad that I would even feel bad. So after about 25 tear drops and a seemingly uneventful day I want to vow to myself that I will start the day, each day, thanking the Creator for His creation in me. I do want to radiate the magnificance of His creation every single day. I know there will be more days like today and I think, they too, can be used to show our utter reliance on God.


And, ps, even as I type and you can probably tell, I sense the presene of God assuring me on this day that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

(And, for sure the roommates helped with this. As I am writing Catie and Kat came in singing their greatest Happy Birthday's with a yummy cookie cake (our fave) and a perfect little gift. He knows when we need a little help from our friends and he sends them.....I am so blessed!)