What happened to me?
I think nearly 30 days after my precious birth my sweet mama dropped me on my still-forming head.
Either that or at the ripe age of 3 I fell out of my weeble people yellow and red plastic car (you know the one..). Something tramatic happened in late February in one of my years past - this is certain.
It seems every year about this time my lungs seem to close up and it takes everything in me to not pass out throughout the day. I can't breathe - bottom line. This happened last year and I spent many hours and dollars for some overeducated doctor to tell me it was psycholigical not physiological. Bull crap.
I couldnt be more at ease these days (meaning like the last 3) and none of these breathing issues have to do with any negative current circumstances. I am on my own cloud right now. Good perspective - good things happenin. Glass is half full and rosy colored at that. Therefore, I conclude with my spance of vast medical knowledge that some rare childhood disaster effects me everytime at this year. And though I dont know it nor remember it - my psychie (is that a word?) knows it and it hanuts me every February.
Please dear mother, find it in yourself to reveal to me what so terrible may have happened - I wont hold it against you, promise. I'll forgive you 70 times 7. I just need to be able to know this is coming each year and have some survival solutions. Not being able to breathe is debilitating and nonetheless embarrassing when I am trying to rock it on a sales call and I have to turn away and gasp for just a short sweet breath of air. Mama, please fess up.
Until then, let's hope I wake up in the morning. I have to medicate myself to fall asleep so I dont sit up and focus on the scary fact that I can't breathe. No worries, kids. I'm a survivor.
PS - Have you ever taken a shower and then mildly dried all your 2000 body parts and then jumped back in your most-comfortable-bed-ever only to continue the drying process? Heaven heaven heaven.
Who reads this???? I forget but maybe I should go back to the discretion thing. Too late. Submit.
posted by Bagwell's | 10:14 PM
2 Comments:
When I was around the ages of 11, 12, and 13, every February I would get sick. Like - mono sick. And I think one time I did have a mild case of mono, most of the other times there wasn't anything actually wrong with me.
But my mom would always make me have blood tests done on me cause she is paranoid, and sure enough, the blood work I had done during this time of year was always a little off. Never anything serious, to indicate something truly wrong with me, but just weird.
Like, I have always had a low white blood count - I think it is suppose to be between like 4-10 or something like that, and mine is normally around 3.5, supposedly my family overall has low white blood count, but during february my white blood count would always drop to below 3. One time I remember it being 2.1, which I think is really low. But there was never much else wrong with me - although I did have physical symptoms of this change - mostly being really tired.
Isn't that weird? I had ALL KINDS OF TESTS to make sure it wasn't something serious hiding - tests for years. But it isn't anything.
My doctor decided that it was seasonal depression or something related maybe along with some mild allergies.
But I love that spring will be here soon. So you aren't the only one who has mental problems in February. Sometimes mine even spill into march.
Like remember the time I pulled a muscle inbetween my lung and rib and couldn't go on my mission trip for spring break? That is the weirdest injury I have ever sustained. I really thought I was going to die if I sneezed. Felt like my rib was puncturing something.
I need to get a grip.
Read Dave 's comment...we think alike. I did drop you on your head every day at 4:32pm. Love, MOM
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