Tall, dark and handsome please apply

After an exhausting day in the sun and on the lake yesterday and then a splendid night under the stars at Chastain I came home to a visitor at the Terrace. Mind you - I am home all alone this weekend. Kat and Catie are too cool for Atlanta and they hit the road and Katie works nights this week so while she is nursing babies (not literally but yes, literally but not 'nursing' them) I am home alone. I am really okay being alone for the most part. I dont have to wear clothes if I dont want. I can sing and dance and turn up the tunes loud and I can go to bed whevever I want. But at night - no me gusta being home alone. Have you been in the Terrace basement - probably not because it is worse than the Haunted mansion at Disney World. (This ride use to give me nightmares.)Not only is it scary - it stinks of hardened rat excretion and other stank that can not be described. So lastnight as my body was so so ready to sink into the 900 threadcount sheets this horse jumps out from the corner of my room! No, no animals in the basement this time - my suite! No exaggeration folks, call the pest control, this flying R%*CH (I can't say it or read it - it literally makes my stomach turn) was this long: ______________________
Imagine that. Seriously, Imagine the body of this thing. He was so big that he wobbled when he walked and wasnt really fast enough to go anywhere but I passed out in my bed when I saw him and all reactions were halted. Needless to say, he hobbled his way back somewhere to the wall where I could hear him climbing in between papers and all the crap that has been against my wall for the past five months (you know when you put things in a certain spot they start looking like they belong there and soon enough you forget to move them????). I mean, this fella is hevy enough for me to hear his every move. So I come to my senses and sit in my bed just cursing the fat fellow. Where is the Brauny man when I need him? Funny thing is, I say talk, dark, handsome apply but really - I just need Catie or Katie. My roommates are 10 times more efficient and helpful than any young gent who has tried to pursue at the the Terrace (okay, yes Stephen and Ryan - 10 points - they each have a rat under their belt.)I called Katie and she said were she home she would help me kill it.
So what do I do?? Mini confession - Kat I slept in your bad lastnight (and loved it!) just so I could leave Herman the cockroach to himself. I attempted jumping really hard on my bed to scare him out of his corner but no dice. Then I sprayed Windex all on the wall so maybe it would run down and he would smell it and die but either way - he dies, I have to eventually find him and throw him away. I am stuck.
R*@CHES are my least favorite thing Ever! Ever. I have been avoiding my house all day today so I didnt have to face the reality that will endue tonight. Kat - come home, I am sleeping with you.

In the meantime, you dont even have to be talk, dark, handsome (that's just a saying). I'll take anyone with a little bit of kahunas that may want a lovely dinner as repayment. I dont kiss on the first date - especially if it is a repayment date. But I could consider if that is what it takes???? Ha! Any takers? See you at 8pm tonight for the battle.