Google trouble

Conversation overheard yesterday between my manager and some of my beloved coworkers regarding a former coworker who happened to have some shady material floating on the internet...

Me: How did y'all know about that. I mean, I knew about it but I didnt know this was office news?
Favorite manager: All you have to do it type someone's name in google. She couldnt have thought it wouldnt be seen??? Weall saw it.

All of a sudden I start perspiring profusely and my legs are shaking from within my cozy, dim office (that's how I work best - lights low.) Only kidding about the perspiring thing. I know that google has perfected it's search when you type in my name so that you are no longer taken to the Broadway Stage Manager, Betsy - you are now directed within .26 seconds to this site. I am fully aware of this. Yes, it is scary but I try not to think about it. Let's be honest - half of you vitual friends discovered this written-nonsense via google. Trust me - I know. But I guess I didnt really think that people in my office were as irresponsible with their down time at the office as to google any topic that comes to mind or search any coworker that passes by. Do people do that?

Isn't it funny how really we are all the same though? We are curious just like the next person. We all walk by the "Sample lady" at the grocery store and act like we are not interested in her FREE sample and then we circle back around and look at the tasty bite of Nabisco's latest product as if we are so confused about what it is...It is food and it is free and we are all the same! Even the people that are clever and skilled enough to make us think they are uninterested in anything the world has to offer - they are hungry and love free food too and are secretly excited by the same office gossip. Donald Miller, a recent favorite author says it best (I think this was in one of the first blog entries too) - Everybody wants to be fancy and new. Nobody wants to be themselves. If there was a guy who just liked being himself and didnt want to be anyone else, than that guy would be the most different guy in the world and everybody would want to be him.

But you know what - when you see the world through Christ's eyes you are different. I have repeated this theme so many times in this little life journal - I am fully alive when I am fully who I am supposed to be by God's good and perfect will. Fully alive. Lastnight I spent a perfect evening with a friend. Sure the company was great and the weather was impeccable and food - nice, concert - fun but what was so refreshing was the energy I felt running through my veins. After wrestling with God for hours the night prior I came to the place that I so covet - where I know and belive God's love for me and I in turn love His creation! I felt at ease with myself lastnight. I felt attractive and I felt confident that despite what anyone else thought - I was loved and I was bought for a heavy price. My value is in Christ alone. I am not my hair as Miss India Arie tells me. I am not my friends nor my job nor my successes nor my outgoingness. I am not my social skills nor my workouts. I am nothing apart from Christ. I really belive this y'all. Sometimes those words just sound comforting and nice but when you experience them - truly experience them - it is life changing. So as much as I too like to feel like I have my own musical artists that create music just for me and that I have my own Betsy boutique with my own personal clothing line that no one else in Atlanta owns and as much as I like to think that I am not tempted by the same things that the world throws all of our way...I don't. The only thing that can truly set me apart is Christ alive in me. Fully. Not partially. Not on the side. Not on Sundays and Wednesdays. Not when things are going well. Fully. When I am dissappointed. When I have been offended. When things dont go my way no matter how much work I did. Fully alive.


After overhearing my manager's converasation yesterday I came home late lastnight and within 2 keystrokes almost deleted this whole darn thing. Really. Gone. I dont know that that is not in the future but I did realize that I was okay if my name were googled. I can only hope that when people happen to stop by here in the middle of their chaotic days that they get a glimpse of a heart longing for Eden. I fall apart more often than not and at times analyze a little too much. My mom thinks I am crazy. Sometimes I even tell a little too much. Nonetheless, I pray my transparency is used in ways I may never see. You too can be truly different. God's love knows no boundaries or color nor does it place your past before you. The victory has already been won.