Pinch yourself

Seriously. Pinch yourself right now. This is your life. Ouch! I pinched a little harder since I have been so numb to things for awhile. Date check: it is mid-August and in my business that means it is pretty much September. 2006 is more than half way over and 25 - the year to thrive yet again is barely off the runway.

"Don't wake me - I plan on sleeping in..." seems to have been my attitude the past few months. I am really good at making myself numb to things. I always have been. Not that I am not expressive - I dont think we need to question that - just good at numbing myself from things that I don't want to be a part of....hurt, dissappointment, reality.
Often though, as we all experience, we turn around and literally, our tires are flat. And really, what can you do with 2 flat tires but face the facts and fix them. You can't really pretend they aren't flat or atleast not for too long.

Sometimes we really do have to be broken before we can be put together the right way. Sometimes, too, we have to be able to put our finger on the problem before we can feel any relief from it. I quote myself "Some things are like knots in your muscles. You know they are there and they hurt but you have to find them and really push on them until the hurt is excrutiating and until you can't stand it but then with time and a little hydration the muscle pain goes away and you feel like a new person!" Yep, I said it and I like it. I think I am still in the first stage which honestly is the hardest - just pinpointing those things that maybe for years have some way affected you. (English 101 - could someone please remind me the difference of (a)ffect and (e)ffect??)

I have had several things pinch me lately. Thank God, really. Sometimes I think I become immune to reality. I am such a dreamer. Optimism is usually my drink of choice. Not even splashed with a dose of reality either - straight optimism. I know this sounds pleasant but really it can be debilitaing especially when you lose sight of reality. I would hate to miss out on any of the lessons God is trying to teach me right now or miss out on His careful molding of me because I allow myself only to exist in the peaches and cream spectrum. I dont even like peaches. I have a lot of very real decisions in front of me. A lot. Somehow I have been able to push them aside as if they dont exist but they do and the longer I push them aside the more weight they carry. I pray for my ability to be fully affected by circumstances around me. It is tragic for me to try to be strong enough to deal with everything on a business level and not be effected. It is tragic of me not to recognize my own struggle.... for it means gain in the long run. It is a fallacy not to acknowledge my own hummanness and need for God. I am only cheating myself for being strong enough to think I can take it all on. I pray boldly that God will continue to pinch me and continue to push on the places that may be a little sore. I know where there is pain there is gain and I know that even in facing reality I do not have to lose my rosy outlook on things.

Ouch. Something really did just bite me. Enough for one night. No more.

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On other more random notes, do you know that I literally wake up in the morning and nearly wet my pants thinking that I get to come home and go to bed? It is truly one of my greatest joys in the day to come home to my perfect queen sized heavenly bed. I spent the last dollar to my name on my new mattress sensation but it is worth every ramen noodle and canned soup I'll eat the next month. Oh, the little things in life......