Abundance

It seems like anything that comes these days comes in abundance. Whether is is praise or opportunities or business or plans or stresses or good weather or decisions. Usually I would associate abundance in a striclty positive light and though I love experiencing abundance I am no so sure it's implications are always positive. This week it all came at once and I honestly can't tell you what flipped the switch this particular week but something happened and what seems like eons later I am so full. Actually, I am wobbling around I am so full.

In about 3 hours this week I secured the amount of business I would normally spend a whole month on. You know I dont think anything is by luck or coincedence so I am overwhelmed that I would have been so lavished with a little business security for atleast a little while.

The sun came out to play this week as well and has yet to go in for dinner. I am a self-made naturalist. I didnt grow up in east-bumble-Georgia. Even though I like to think the Marietta square where I grew up is a few steps behind the rest of the 'burbs - I wasnt running around outside all day playing in the dirt. Nonetheless, I am transformed by my surroundings. I love even my fescue grass that seems to be in the middle of puberty these days. I dont even mind a bug or two because I truly appreicate the God-given life that is all around us. Every single day this week the temperature in the morning is just cool enough to want to stay in bed but not so cold that I cant wear my perfectly worn Rainbows. Perfect. Each afternoon if the sun hasnt been shining brilliantly amid a clear sky then there has been the perfectly powerful mini-thunderstorm. In either scenario, I cant help but work diligently and check each thing off my list in order to rush home to take in the afternoon on my side porch. And just when I wake up and think there couldnt possibly =be more absolutely fabulous day - God gives me another.

The skeptical part of me wants to immediatly give thanks but then ask you to pinch me and tell me it is over. It's like my take on intense Georgia football moments between the hedges. Right in the middle of that 4th quarter play when there is 1:34 seconds on the clock and your team has just measled it's way ahead - I turn away from the field and cover my eyes and hope to sense from the crowsd response that it's over. It becomes hard for me to watch because I know the good has to end at some point. Maybe I should not be so skeptical especially when it comes to blessings. Often I do not thoroughly enjoy the blessing because I know that as soon as I start to allow it to effect me it'll be over. Yes, it's true - good things cant last forever and if they did they wouldnt be so good when they came around. That doesnt mean I can't soak up every ounce of abundant blessing that I might be receiving.

Too add to the pile - this week God has really used specific people in my life to speak truth and praise into my heart. It is amazing how sometimes all of your effort can go unnoticed by everyone. Then we try not to doubt ourselves but ultimately we all have that natural radar that starts sensing the lack or response or attention generated and ultimatly we lose sight of the purpose behind some of our greatest efforts. And then there are those weeks like this week where every hour in every instance God used you in some way to lavish me with verbal affirmation. From my lunch yesterday to my speaking engagement lastnight to the fabulous girls night out to the Braves game this week - I am so full! I'm not trying to be the party pooper to tell you your rosy glasses are broken but there is that realistic side of me that tells me that soon all my good-fortune or rather God's-favor will wear off. Why did He choose to give me an abundance right now? An abundance in everything? Why should I deserve to be so full?

It's like Andy Stanley has dsplayed in a sermon sometime recently. If I have two chocolate chip cookies and you have none and you like chocolate chip cookies I should give you a chocolate chip cookie. Elementary - yes. Practiced - rarely. I pray I am able to give you some of the abundance that God has given to me lately. And that may be the only reason for His abundance in the first place.

In the mean time....I would really like a chocolate chip cookie freshly baked, Pillsbury, pulled right out of the over at the 9 minute mark so they are perfectly crisp on the edges and perfectly gooey all the way through the middle. I'll share. Promise.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

P.S. I am escaping this weekend to the country.

Yes, my parents are in Europre for the next 10 days and I have free roam of their house in the woods.
So it is Marietta and it is only 25 miles away. It is the woods. There is a real grille there and a place to sit among the tall trees in the backyard and luckily I do not get cell phone service. The temperature is going to be in mid 70's and I have not one thing on the agenda tomorrow. I'll make my getaway in the morning. Ill hike for as long as I like at the mountain. Ill picnic. Ill wear as little clothes as possible and Ill run long baths. Ill leave the lights on wherever I go and Ill get lost in my book on the side porch. I will refuel this weekend. What perfect timing to be able to 'getaway' for a few days and pamper myself at my parents expense. Miss you mom and dad!

sweet indulgence

Kat and I are sitting on our side porch. The twinkle lights are sparkling dimly and the doors and side window are open. The odd bird in our backyard is attempting to be a part of the scenery as well. Ray Lamontagne beckons in the background and slowly and unsteadily the rain comes. I just ate my favorite - Chicken tortilla soup for lunch. Maybe it isnt truly cold enough to thoroughly enjoy the soup but it works. I am not sure what time it is. Kat isnt even acting like I am here. She is in her world on her couch and I am in mine.
My perfect afternoon is followed by an exquisite day in God's Country yesterday. We drove the backroads to Athens and what was deemed a gloomy day of football turned into a perfectly sunny afternoon. I ran into most of my favorite people including Charlsie and my brothers, Matt and Carter. I ate barbecue and enjoyed watching all the undergrads sport their newest Red and Black find. Despite the terrible display of football, the Dawgs pulled out the victory and honestly, the rush of adrenaline while clutching the win in the last 90 seconds of the game was a good rush to my body. I need more of that. To top it all off I dined at one of my favorite restaurants: Last Resort. I had black bean crepes, vidalia bacon dressing and fish in parchment - all of my all time favorites list. I was even treated to this dinner which makes it all the more tasty.
Why would I take anytime to tell you all the petty details of this weekend? It's the little things that make the big things all the much sweeter. It's squeezing every drop of goodness out of every detail of life. It's allowing all five of your senses to take part in the sweet indulgence of everyday life. It's truly stopping long enough and turning the phone off in order to truly be in the moment. Last weekend at the trip to Sharp Top Cove with my highschoolers, the theme among rolling hills and winding streams and a beautiful lake was to 'breathe.' I was surely able to sit and breathe and relax among that setting. I knew on the drive home though that it is never as easy to find tranquility - and I am not even talking silence but just overall tranquility - when you live 7 minutes from the heart of a bustling city and you are in your mid-twenties with a whole lot of 'you' and a whole lot of 'world' to discover. This week, though, I was able to. It was a crazy week at work no doubt but in a peculiar way - I didnt feel in control and I loved it. Then, this weekend where normally I pack something into every hour, I truly relinquished the pressure to be everywhere at once. I decided last weekend that I would try to be in one moment when I am there and only be in that moment. What a relief! How invigorating to fully engage in each thing and not jump from one thing to the next.
And now in this moment, it is time for a nap. The rain just started a little harder and there is nowhere else I would rather be.

Be intentional

What a sweet reunion! I feel no need to explain myself either.


I can barely type one word without my fingers exploding and then having to delete a whole bunch of jibberish. I have feared this very moment for nearly two weeks. If I were to return for any reason would I just purge and scare you all away? Maybe you are all away already and there is nothing more I can do. Nonetheless, to the faithful few - it'll come back to you one day. Really what God showed me among many lessons these last two weeks is that I really do not care who is on the other end of this. This is about Him. Starting like I ended - this is a love story about my love relationship with my Creator and that is it. I am thankful that I was given clarity and tangible signs of God's hand in my little past time - both things I didn't expect at all.

These two weeks were a whole chapter in itself. I am taking a class every Thursday night called Perspectives. This class has been life changing but not merely because of the teaching in itself but because of the timing as well along with other circumstances. For some reason, after 13 years of being a God follower and at times a very radical God-follower, I have literally just recently experienced some 'big picture' truths that I had thought I already knew. But to know something and to experience something are two very different things. I have known and believed for a long time that God loved me and pursued me. I could sing the song about it and I can tell you all about it. Recently, though, through baptism I have re-discovered or rather, discovered for the very first time, what it feels like to be intimately known and whole-heartedly pursued. I was weary of being baptized a few weeks ago. Several reasons but the most stifling of which revolves completely around that ugly thing called pride. I thought that I would need to prove to those that knew me that even though I was just being baptized - I really had believed all of the foundational truths I had preached for the 13 years prior. I was disgusted that I even worried what you thought but I coldn't help it. I guess I was judging myself the way I may have looked at someone else in my position. My whole perspective regarding this sacred step was flip-flopped that Sunday that I approached the beach as the sun was setting amid the faint sound of hymns being sung in the background. What if this really is a new beginning for you, Betsy? There is no reason to fear - I am bigger than anything you can imagine and your faith can be bigger. Your purpose can be bolder. Your zeal can be stronger. Isnt it funny how just when you think you have arrived - you realized you are only at Start. Just when you think you grasp how great and wide the Fathers love is He comes and rocks your face off and you stand speechless at a God that truly is bigger than anything we can conceive. Nonetheless, I felt as though I were walking down the aisle to be married forever to someone who knew me inside and out. How had it taken me so long to realize that baptism was merely a sign of identity??? Was I truly only ready to take this step a few weeks ago? The answer is yes. In an odd way I know with 100% certainty that the timing was divine. God brought my heart to the exact place it needed to be to be able to fully take the next step. WOW!!! I decided on that day to be intentional about my faith. It is not a bebe gun that you just fire and hope that you hit something. God has called us to be intentional with His message.

Not just with the message of good news though but with my time and my money and my energy and my conversations and my interactions with strangers and my ambitions and my goals. As Andy Stanley often says, the opposite of being lost isnt being found - it is just knowing where you are....You gotta know where you are to know how to get to where you wanna go. AMEN!!! Why before was I unable to apply this to my life? Why did I think it wasnt for me???

So whether it is blogging for you or having a conversation with your coworker as you walk to lunch - be intentional. Do everything with purpose and nothing haphazerdly. Jesus did not walk on this earth to see what He might bump into. He walked with purpose and He took each step fulfilling more and more of that purpose. If only we could learn to truly emaulate our Crator???

Keeping in stride, I have recognized overwhelmingly my purpose in sharing any thought with you over the w-w-w. I know that this purpose will be met whether or not I ever know it. "it is fine to be zealous, provided the purpose is good, and to be so always and not just when I am with you." (Galatians 4:18)

Inhaleeee........exhaleeeee........It feels so so good to be back. It feels even better to be back with purpose.

There will be an encore.

For the three of you that stil read - Stay tuned.

In the meantime, this has been life changing...check it out...

www.perspectives.org

Eulogy. The End.

Wow. This really is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I knew the time was coming near. I knew we didn't have much more time to spend together and I knew I would have to say goodbye. I have been gearing myself up for this for a few months now but the time has come. All week long I have had so many ideas racing through my mind as to how to thoroughly and accurately celebrate and memorialize somebody you truly love so much. I could just end with funny stories and highlights and try to laugh my way out as I think humor is the best form of therapy you can find. I even considered an abrupt ending that would just merely state "THE END. GOODBYE." I didn't think that was fair to the friends and family though. Yesterday, I concluded that the easiest way to do that which hurts so bad to do would just be to fizzle out. You know, like a fake death...TuPac style....no real goodbye or anything just silence. I went to bed last night knowing that today would be in fact one of the hardest days I would face but I knew on the flipside there would be peace. As Celine often reminds me "A new day has come."


More than 2 years ago I brought my passion for writing coupled with my inability to accurately express myself verbally because of my tendency to think 4 thoughts at one time and somehow have them mesh together all the while trying to keep in mind the bigger picture (which to my mother leads to over-analyzation. Me? Never.)Mama was the only fan for awhile and I was okay with that. My mama has always been and will always be my biggest cheerleader whether it involves me running naked through the streets (never have I ever. Yet.) or organizing a benefit to solve world peace. Needless, I wrote. My mom read. She commented. I continued to write. She'd cry or laugh and on occasion comment on the beauty of God that she saw in the blog. Then, whether you know it or not the purpose became strictly ministry related. For some reason you people....and I don't even know who you are but I have kept up with the anonymous comments and responsive emails...you people continued to read whether it was about deodorant or relationships or embarrassing mishaps or some form of emotional turmoil. Really, what this says is that we are all the same. So maybe I express a little more freely and publicly what you are feeling but typically we all feel it whatever it is...To me it is a desire for connection. Though sometimes we like to think that our lives are different than those around us and that no one else could relate to us really, we are all the same. We all have a deep desire to be a part of something bigger than who we are and we all want to be valued.
The bottom line...here it goes...the bottom line is that we are part of a big story. What a joy it has been to walk with you over the last few years and day by day, drama by drama, emotion by emotion and from let downs to triumphs to successes and challenges, realize that I am not the main character in this story. My life is not about me. I thank God every single day I wake up that at such a young age He has made this clear to me. I could not fathom waking up in the morning, going to work, making some money, eating dinner, going on vacations, calling mom on her birthday, and then going to bed at night and not knowing all the while that I was in the middle of a story and I was but a fraction of the story. I was created for one reason only and everything.....everything else in my life all has to do with this one purpose: to glorify God. I was created solely to make His name famous. It's not about religion and it's not about rules. It is about recognizing that everything I do, say, think, feel, act, organize, plan, touch, taste, manage, own, build, create, repeat, initiate, write and am a part of, is for the Glory of God. That is it.
You have experienced many good days with me and several days where you probably read the daily post and wondered if the black whole I was existing in would just swallow me up or if I'd ever find a light in the darkness. My dad has always said that I, like my precious brother, are too emotional and not level headed. Here's the deal - he is so right. My soul wants to sing of the uncontainable joy that I have found by realizing that I am an integral part in God's story - the story of His Glory. I am also human and many days my frailty shows as my own mortality overshadows that innate joy that is within. And this is tragic.
Fortunately and only by grace, redemption can be found even daily and hourly as I continue to mess up.
So, yes, occasionally 2-5: My Year to Thrive, formerly known as 2005: My Year to Thrive brought a little humor to situations that might not be too humorous to the average self-conscious person. I definitely didn't hold back too much - that's for sure. But really, I hope the theme of my heart.....the thing that is with me at all times and the only thing on this side of heaven that will never never fail me - has been obvious through this little journey. You and I were made to worship something and you may spend your whole life worshipping yourself or your accomplishments or your relationship or your marriage or your kids or your security or your extremely good looks (ha).....you may not even know that you are worshipping these things but it is apparent in the way you and I embrace every single circumstance in life. I am 25.5 years old. I do not have alot to offer you. I can't do anything too extraordinary. I am really not an expert in anything nor can you really look at me as someone who has always had it together or someone to aspire to (dont get me wrong - I love myself because Christ loved me first and I have gifts that I know are being used) but I have found (like so many of you) the only thing in this world that will truly bring you joy in all cicumstances. The thing that will give you peace beyond understanding. The thing that will wake you up in the morning and cause you to want to dance! The only thing or person who will truly never fail you. And I have found this freely. And it blows me away daily that no matter how old we are and no matter what life has looked like before and no matter how much damage has been done you and I can have this inner-uncontainable-indescibable-incomparable-unfathomable joy that only comes from Christ. Only.

Thank you for allowing me to vent to you on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. Had you asked me a few years ago what "thriving" actually looked like I would have had a very certain picture. Yes, it would have included God and the bigger story but it also would have included 117 lbs and a trip to Europe and friends to fill a coliseum and a corner office and a significant other I am sure. Thank you and thank you God for allowing me to realize through my meaningless ramblings that I was destined to thrive before I was even on this earth. Because we are created to do one thing only and that is to bring glory and honor and praise and excitement and fame to our Creator - there is no way to not thrive. It just takes me stepping back to see that this really isn't a story or a blog about me and my life but I am so grateful to have realized that so early and I am humbled to know that I have a role in the story even though I may never know exactly what role I played.

If I find in my hear a desire in which nothing in this world can satisfy; the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. -CS Lewis

I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking. -George MacDonald

The fat lady is singing. Ciao bella for now.
Comments welcomed and appreciated.
Tear. Really. (I can't hit Publish Post. This really is hard y'all)

1....2.........3....

Party of all parties

Mama turns 50 this week and the boys and my dad and I threw the party of all party's lastnight. Mama hates surprises so she'll probably hate me tomorrow for all the birthday commotion but I am okay with that. Do you know exhilerating it is to truly surprise someone? More so, do you know how invigorating it is to plan the party of all parties for someone whom you adore so much. My mama is my hero. She is selfless like no one I know. I have been so excited all month long to get all the details together for this one night. My adoration can not go into one night or one party. I really enjoyed calling her friends and family and getting them excited for this celebration of my mom.
She was surprised which is the best part. My mom is like me and you can never surprise her. She is always 2 steps ahead of everyone else. Lastnight I think she genuinely had no clue that so many people who loved her had planned all month to celebrate her and treat her like a queen. Mama looked amazing. She was vibrant and full of life and stories as she always is. Really, what was so great too was the time to hang out with my family. I am spoiled rotten by my family and I am biased but my family is the All-American family....atleast from the outside and I used to think that was funny when people tokened the Nicholson's as such. Until recently did I really start to feel that way. I love seeing my family together when it happens and I adore my siblings. Even though I am the oldest and I am sure the bossiest they treat me like a little sister. I had always wanted to be a little sister. Mary Lauren, the real little sister, is now old enough too to enjoy our company (though she usually has cooler other plans.) God is sooo good! Lastnight was splendid and I am in a few words - blown away by the strength of the relationships that have developed over really the last few years. Thank You, mama and daddy, for creating all of this. I can't imagine the joy it brings you to witness these relationships that you created flourish. I love y'all the way up to the moon!

So refreshing....

My body is usually the perfect thermometer for my emotional state. I didnt realize this until 2 falls ago when I would lie awake at night, worn out from the day-mentally-physically and I could not fall asleep. Then when and if I did sleep I never slept with visions of sugar plums dancing in my head. Then during the day I could rarely easily catch my breath. I thought it was due to some new mysterious pollen in the air. It was partially. This spring I was diagnosed with some mild form of asthma. More so, it was my body's natural reaction to things it didnt like. No need to recall the circumstances - live and learn. Nonetheless, every so often I think things are going smoothly and I find myself driving somewhere gasping for any air I can get. This makes my mom a nervous wreck. I have learned to live with the discomfort just knowing that my body is saying something....I just don't know what quite yet. The last few weeks this minor ailment has crept back into my daily living. I can ignore it for so long until, like tonight, I am sitting in class and the overly-ambitious 60+ year old man next to me keeps staring at me as I try to inhale. Staring only makes this worse, people. After a few obsurd episodes of this he continues to ask if I am okay. I hate the attention, really.
Things are okay. Things are so much more than okay but yet I can't figure out why my body is having these un called for spasms throughout the day. Usually I could begin to put my finger on the pressure that I am feeling in some realm of life but this time, really, nothing. My perspective on anything from cleanliness to the purpose of life has been so refreshed. Recently its like this huge puzzle piece fell into place and though the puzzle isnt complete - I can atleast get a jist of what the picture may look like. Isn't it funny how you are void of hearing about so called subject A and then all of a sudden you hear about sunject A as you pass by some coworkers on the way to the coffee in the morning. Later that afternoon you are in the grocery store buying animal crackers, a diet cherry coke, and Orbitz sweet mint gum and you overhear two strangers talking again about subject A. Finally, you get home and your cute roommates can do nothing but talk about Subject A. Irony? Maybe. How often does this happen to me and I tend to not think twice. But lately it seems as though every message in some form is the same message and it is a humbling and troubling one if we are honest. It's not about me.
I guess a few years ago God started showing me the bigger picture and how really I was just part of the bigger picture. Whenever I am truly able to grasp this I am blown away by the natural praise and sense of gratitude that I feel. Its when I take the focus off of me that I find my heart rejoicing for all that surrounds it. When I can only see me and my little world of mortgage sales and singleness I can barely see far enough to realize anyone else is even involved.
One of my dearest friends, Michael, was the first new-Charleston boy I met nearly 4 summers ago. Back in the glory days we would sit on our shady porch in the ghetto in Charleston. We'd look towards the battery. We'd sit on smelly couch and drink something to suit the mood and we'd talk about anything and everything. My response was always "everything happens for a reason." He believed me. Sorta. I didnt believe me at all. I couldnt see tangibly how my chaotic summer in Charelston, barely making mimnimum wage could truly be a part of anything more significant. If you have kept up with this blog you'd know that that summer in Charleston would be the summer that would change my life. Still to this day I have friends that will always truly be my fist loves, and I have confidence galore because of the mimi-trials we faced that summer just to pay the rent and have a few dollars to ride around town on the rickshaws. Nonetheless, a few years later and with confidence I know that every single thing happens for a reason. But the reasons aren't always about me. In fact, rarely are they about me.
My brother was diagnosed with diabetes when he was 11. I admire my brother more than any masters graduate or succesul business man I know. I dont admire him because he has been a martyr or because there is anything all too different about his life. Actually, you'd never know his pancreas didnt function the way mine did unless I told you. I admire him for his perspective. We sat in Augusta over a beer a few weeks ago. He is in his second year of med school. He wants to study enocrinology (I dont know how to spell anything with an ology in it). He wants to find cures so your children will not have to deal with the cards he has been dealt. He recognizes that everything happens for a reason and though sometimes unfair, the reasons arent usually directly about us. What I remember though is that others may face circumstances that effect me directly though they may be part of the action. All in all it is to bring God glory.
So the last few weeks I can't tell you how many conversations, lectures, sermons, prayers I have heard about God's glory being known. God created every thing. Every sound. Every animal. Every plant. Everything in order to magnify His glory. Everything. Tonight in class the instructor was giving examples of how this change of perspective nearly 10 years ago changed his life forever.
I truly believe that the irnony that lately this very same topic has crossed my path atleast twice daily isnt even irony at all. What if this really is a new chapter for me? I know, Michael, I have always told you everything happens for a reason. I am not backing down from this belief. I am embracing it in my own life. It sure is easy to look at your life and see how your current circumstances may lead to something more for you but it is almost impossible to do this in our own lives. I have been wondering where God is taking my career for 2 years now and it wasnt until lately that I truly grasped that maybe He hasn't lead anywhere because there is reason for me to be right where I am right now.

Inhale. Inhale. Inhale. Okay, got it. I am so refreshed. I am so grateful for this call to a greater perspective. I am not sure why I can't breathe but I have learned from experience that it just means He is up to something and I better hold tight. I'll keep you posted. I can't wait to see what He is up to this time.

Stalkers unite

Thanks, Kat.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,212722,00.html

We'll make friends with anyone. Or anything???? 

Girls of the SEC. What a perfect reminder of my splendid weekend with my Bohemian women. Ahhh...the pic makes me smile. 

I-65 tailgate en route to the ATL. Nothing like soul train on the interstate! This will go down as one of my most memorable road trips.  

Before the baptisms in the ocean at the Labor Day retreat. Speechless.  

I dont want it to end

I am drooling as I write this. I am so tired. This weekend proved to be many things but relaxing wasnt one of them. And I say that with a smile. It started Thursday with my first seminary class and ended tonight after 8 hours on the road with an innagural"Bean Party" at my friend, Dave's house. The laguhter, tears, singing, praising, dancing and all the gooey part in the middle coudlnt be summed up in any amount of words. Thursday the professor spoke about TL/BL perspective. I was floored by this man's ability to decipher truth but more so his ability to engage the audience the entire time. I left feeling so full. I was so satisfied that everything I had been working for the past few months amid the confusion and lack of clarity at times - had come to be even though it didnt look as I thought it would. Top Line perspective and Bottom Line perspective has to do with the constant theme throughtout the bible. The instructir showed several Top Line references that have to do with God wanting to bless us. And oh, does He ever? Kids, I really can not put into words how absolutely perfect this weekend was....actually perfect doesnt work because I couldnt have dreamed a more redeeming, rejuvenating and enjoyable weekend. My mind doesnt work that big. The breeze, the company, the sunshine, the message - everything was mind blowing. So, yes, God, you want to bless me abundantly. But the bottom line is that He wants to bless us so we can bless others. This seems simple. Unfortunately, I find so much of my life and time being only about the first part. The Bottom line is the natural reaction because of our blessings to share them with everyone! That is it. Those 2 things - God blesses us, we bless others.

My mind really cant begin to wrap around the yummy white part of the oreo cookie that represents these last few days. I am going to get into my bed and just be still and let my heart try to store all of my excitement and energy. There will be more. If this stuff is too cheesy for you you may want to come back in a week because I don't see this going away. I am head over heels!