I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.
-George MacDonald



I can't take any credit....I came across this today on one of my friends sites.

Ode to The Steve

If you dont know who I am talking about you are missing out.
The Terrace boyfriend, the Steve, had us from hello.
He is pleasant - even when he joins us for a girl movie on the couch or when he raids our Tivo for old episodes of Extreme Sports.
He is one of those people that you can never get mad at and sometimes him just walking in the room puts me in a good mood.
I have a tricky sense of humor. Few peolpe genuinely make me laugh (and the ones that do I fall for easily because it is so few and far between). The Steve does and it doesnt take much with him.
He makes the dorkiest things cool and he can snuggle with a different Terrace lady each night and feel no shame.
This Monday night I am making our affections public.

The Steve you are my #1 friend (today atleast).
The Steve goes to prove that good things do come in little packages.

A life apart from You

I just cant fathom a life apart from God. I really can't. Life is good. I am blessed in so many ways that I can't begin to count them. This is true for most of the people in my life. We have opportunity and we have freedom and we are young and we are ambitious and we have been given much. More so, for so many of my friends - we know what a life centered around Christ looks and feels like and we couldnt imagine the alternative. Even with all the good that goes around and even among the daily gifts from God I still have the occassional day where I wake up and everything seems to be wrong. Not wrong but not as I would have planned it. This is our story though, right? Part of life is really about learning that it will not go as we planned. We aren't in control. We know this but we tend to think there are some areas that are ours alone. Nothing that I have is mine nor from me. Everything is by and for God. But, yes, in my own mortal self sometimes I do wake up and wonder why in the world I am where I am. Let's be honest: single, fairly discontent in a job and full of way too many ambitions that I can't seem to meet (of course on my own)....but I do know the Lord. And, really, that is all that matters. I couldnt imagine being a 25 year old woman like myself in this society of appearence and performance pressures, not on track with what society (well, atleast Southern society) thinks I should have under my belt, daily going to a job that really doesnt interest nor value me and not knowing God intimately.
This past weeks my friends and I have seen first hand the worst kind of sin you can imagine. We have watched one man's selfishness rob the life of another person. I am not okay with this. I am not immune to it. None of us have considered this week lightly. This week will be one of the most influential single events of my life. For the last year I have been so immune to pain and to evil in the world. It's easy to do that in your twenties when you look at the world as something to conquer. This week death was all too close and all to familiar and it has really shaken our community. I am ashamed that it took someone else's helpless death to remind me of the fraility of each day. I have been reading and rereading Thomas a Kempis' book, Imitation of Christ. Much of Kempis's words speak about mourning for those around us who do not know the intimacy of the Lord. I have read and reread his words front to back over and over and over these past few months. I have glazed over the main theme that Kempis is teaching. Outr hearts should be so burdened daily for others to know and experience the goodness of the Lord as we have that we can't be satisfied because we are constantly aware of the brokenness around us. This week my heart was transformed. I really couldnt imagine experiencing (even from a distance) the events of this week and not have a heavenly father to turn to. It is easy to question God. It is easy to wonder why He did not intervene. His ways are so much bigger than our thinking and that is what is comforting to me. Really, I dont want to understand everything. I want God to be big to me. I want to keep Him as he should be: omnipotent. Above all things.Even this thing. Even this terrible terrible thing. I experienced this week what Kempis spoke so beautifully of....an unquentiable desire to make His name great to every single person I come in contact with....no one is exempt from the love of God. I pray that my heart is so aware of the brokenness around me and that I can't be settled because I am constantly aware of the work to be done.



Romans 8:28....choose to believe.

my favorite new purchase

I get on kicks easily and I am an easy target for advertising. Recently I have decided that I couldnt sleep. I am sleeping a little but I wake up and feel like anything I dreamed really happened and I am more exhausted than when I went to bed. Not to mention, the dreams have been oddly realistic. WEdnesday night Kat, my adventurous roommate and I, decided to change around my bedroom furniture as if that were the issue. I like the change. I am looking for any change these days so this 12:30 am decision was welcomed. Then, a few days ago I overheard a conversation regarding a certain mattress and immediatly this marketing friendly radar in me set out to find this wonder drug. Well, after 3 attempts and three sleepless nights I finally found that which my heart set out to find: the double sided mattress topper - one side microfiber foam and the other pure down (as in the down comforter). Lastnight I went to a cookout and then I had a date with my new mattress cover. Really, I know, Saturday night - should be a hot summer night but all I really wanted to do was go home and test out my latest find. Good thing the weather worked in my favor as well...I got to go to sleep with the rain and the thunder along with my new ...lets call him 'boyfriend.' The results are in already - I slept like it was my job. I actually slept a little too much and I am kind of out of sorts this am. Success! Now I just have two other previously tested mattress tops to return today and my search will be complete. I like slumber parties so should you want to experience this luxury in reality I may consider your proposal.
I'm going back to bed now. Wake me up Monday.

I was so wrong

Each day is a gift from God.
We must choose to see it as that every single morning no matter how many things go wrong the day before.
In all things - good and bad - my lips will praise God, the author of my days.

I have grey hair from work today. Really. 3 of them - bright and shiny on the top of my head. I also have an ulcer in my stomach. I also made a lot of people really upset with me as they were needed to help get a deadline met. It wasnt met. I am sick to my stomach. Corporate America and I are not friends today. Going to hide in a hole.

ouch

I hurt.
My whole body hurts.
My fingernails even ache.
My ankle is swolen from a clumsy fall Friday night while running coupled with a stubborn desire to then dance like no one was watching lastnight.
My eyes hurt because they havent shut.
My head hurts just trying to think about the things that I really need to think about this week.
My voice hurts from singing all night to Cory LIVE in my living room.

Nyquil will be my friend tonight. I'll be back to normal tomorrow.

As tired as I am I need you to know how much I adore you! Really, if you are reading this your are probably one of my roommates or pseudo roommates or one of my dearest amigos or else my mother. I want you to know today - right now, yes, you - that I am so thankful for your friendship. I am so blessed and it really humbles me to think how much I have been given in each of the friends that God has crossed my path. Lastnight was a mere glimpse of this at the Terrace. We had a few people over and I enjoyed seeing each of your smiles and I loved hugging your neck and I love enjoying such rich moments with you. Atleast my heart doesnt have any bruises on it today. I heart you!

Bed time.

Shine

Really the basis of any daily discontent that I might feel comes from the difference in my aspirations for myself and the reality of a fallen world and my own human imperfection. If I could make any sense of what I am trying to say simply then I am sure you would agree. Lightly said, it is about my good intentions and my inability to follow through with them.
Lastnight I got in late from 7:22 and a friends birthday dinner. Even though I came in late and the average nutritionist would tell me I would need to get atleast 7 hours of sleep - I decided once again to set my alarm at 5:32 as I have all week long. This time, though, I would do what it is I want to do and actually get up. Needless, I fall asleep with ease and surely this morning at 7:45 when I decided to really open my eyes - I never even remembered 5:32 happening. It did - I just half consciously chose to ignore it and start yet another day already behind. Comparatively - not behind too many of you but behind for me. 5:32 used to come naturally for me without an alarm. Not only does 7:45 start me out with negative points for the day - it catapults the rest of the day into disaster. I then don't allot enough time to make my standard nutritious egg breakfast. Strike 1. Hardly ever do I have more than 6 minutes to read anything nor even a minute to thank God for even giving me yet another day.Strike 2. 7:45 = no shower for sure unless I go the rest of the day like a saggy dog - wet headed and usually no sort of presentable attire for work. All morning I have tried to make up for the faulty start to the day and I just cant seem to get it right. Go figure - it is now 2:40 and I am thinking that writing about my lack of discipline is my best form of discipline???

Maybe this story is just about my morning but really it is about so much more. It is about my longing for Eden. It is about my longing for things as they should be. It is about me doing what I am supposed to do without struggle nor contemplation. It is about me realizing that any aspiration or goal I might have comes with atleast marginal effort. It is about me shining in the little things. Rather, Christ shining through me in even the little details.

Average people do just as I did today. There is nothing wrong with it. Average people say that tomorrow they will take care of the things they wanted to take care of today. Average people don't cause too much commotion and easily float on with the rest of the average people. I want to shine like a star as Paul suggests in Philippians (Phil 2:12-18). Actually, I want Christ to shine in me like a star amid this world of darkness.

Lastnight at 7:22 Louie spoke on these verses. There were maybe 3500 people there but it was one of those rare times when you feel completely secluded. Louie called us to be the lights that God has created us to be. He lit a lamp and showed the illustration of how silly it would be to light a lamp and then hide it. At one point they turned out all of the lights except for the one candle burning in the middle. So maybe the lesson is from elementary school but how appropriate. All 3500 people in that room could see the one light even among the complete darkness.

Of course Louie was using pretty extreme examples in order to show us the Light that we are hiding. He spoke about drugs and drinking and other more interesting flaws. Mine, though different, are just as stifling. My lack of discipline at times, my quick judgment, my desire for shortcuts in many areas of life that I know good and well are more enjoyed when I don't take the shortcut, my scrabbled daily priorities, my lack of mercy and grace when I have been given so much grace....all these things though not sex, drugs and rock n roll, they all stop me from allowing the Light within me to shine. Lastnight was so refreshing. So many people came to my mind lastnight. I thought of all of the joy that I do not share that I could. I thought of this light within me burning to shine in darkness but yet at times I let my own darkness cover it up.

It is now 3:05 and, no, not the time to stop where you are and think for a second. Not the time for me to push off anymore work or delay any more phonecalls. But, really - I think there is no better time. We have a duty to shine light in every dark corner. Not tomorrow or next week when things start working out more like we had planned. Not when we get married or once we take a vacation. Darkness impedes without hesitation and the longer I hold it in the darker it becomes.

I often close some of my personal emails or letters by saying "Let your light shine for all the world to see." Today I say it to myself. This is what I was created to do and I do not need an alarm clock to tell me when to let it begin. Sharing my joy is natural. I cant mess it up either as long as I just let it shine.

12 - THEREFORE, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,

13 - for it is God Who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.

14 - Do everything without complaining or arguing,

15 - so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.

BE THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS.

New additions to the Terrace

No new roommates. Just a few new toys. I am worn out from the weekend and my fingers are not cooperating so no novel tonight. The Terrace aquired some new toys this weekend. First of which is our very own trampoline. Full size. One of the Katies is mortified that I would come home with a trampoline at the age of 25 but I secretly think that she'll be the first to sneak outside and partake in the excitement while the rest of us are at work this week. The trampoline is from my parents house and is a donation from the Nicholson's for future roommate bonding sessions. In highschool everyone in the neighborhood would meet at our trampoline at night in the summers and then we'd go do what highschoolers do from there. Flashlight tag, sneaking into the club pool! I love summer break!
I also brought home some bongo drums. Kat has a guitar and so I wanted a musical insrument too. I went home today and my brother had recently purchased a mandolin. I had never really touched an instrument with strings before. Whoa. So I start putting together a melody (melody only to my own ears). My brother came in after my self taught lesson on the mandolin. I was holding it like a violin. Wrong. Needless, Matt suggested that maybe I start with the bongos so he donated some bongos on loan until I master the new skill. My roommates will love my new toy I am sure. Especially in lieu of the music we listen to at night with the windows open and the twinkle lights on. Watch out Ben Harper.
Harmonica next?

Going to make some noise with my new bongos on the trampoline. You wish you were here.

Funk-aholic

I am addicted. I absolutely live for my dance classes Thursday and Friday nights. I love that none of you go there. I mean I would love if you wanted to come but I when I am there I love that I know no one. I love that even though the mirrors are all around I try not to look at them because when I forget they are there something let's go inside of me and any funk that I have tries to escape. Let's be honest though - I have no 'funk' what so ever unless we are talking about the funky chicken. Needless, I don't care a bit and I love that more.
occasionally, when I do notice my funky self in the mirror I say to myself: self - you are pretty dang hot! How does it feel to be so extremely funky and so extremely good looking?

I'm not kidding.

I am not saying either that this is true but anyone who comes into funk walks out a rockstar. You can't walk in and not walk out a changed man.

I really did always want to be a dancer in the parades at Disney when I grew up. Now that I am a big kid with little to no grace nor rhythm I am so glad there are places for the movement-impaired to go to get out all of my displaced energy.

Tomorrow is salsa dancing in the am and cardio-funk in the afternoon. If you would like to ask me to go out tomorrow night after funk to go dancing I will say yes. You can pick me up. I'll wear tall shoes and I'll let you lead. You dont even have to have asked me out with 24 hours notice. No rules here. Just a girl wanting to go out tomorrow night with a boy whom she finds entertaining and boy must be willing to shake what his mama gave him. After we will go to Krystal and get a sack cause that is my favorite late-night indulgence after a night out.

Faithful

I want to sing you a love song
You are the thief of my heart
Rythym and rhyme try to do describe it
No matter how har I try I can't hide
I cant hide it

Faithful you are faithful
I have found nothing but good in your heart
Loving you are loving
I am in love with the way that you are
Thankful I am thankful
I had been running away on my own
And then you found me
Oh how you loved me
I know you'll never leave me alone

I want to sing you a love song
You are the love of my life
Rythym and rhyme try to explain it
No matter how har I try I can't contain it
I cant contain it

Faithful you are faithful
I have found nothing but good in your heart
Loving you are loving
I am in love with the way that you are
Thankful I am thankful
I had been running away on my own
And then you found me
Oh how you loved me
I know you'll never leave me alone

Faithful, Enter the Worship Circle

A few Saturday night recalls (by request)

Betsy and Cute Anonymous Friend enjoy a nice cup o java at one of the 8 Starbucks on Peachtree. They have lovely conversation about hair, boys, bicycling and Nashville. CAF gets hit on the hip by Mr. Melnyk who decides to follow our lead and leave the movie early. We decide to meet up at the Terrace. Obstacle #1: Betsy and CAF try to sneak past the 2 anonymous creepy fellows who keep following every sip of coffee that we make....no dice. Random guy #1 says Where are yall from to which CAF innocently responds Florida. True. I would have lied.
Where are y'all from? I pose.
To which a tall oddly attractive woman with jet black hair split down the middle in an exact line following down through the space in between her front teeth declares, Georgia.
Nice, I think.
The country she says.

LONG LONG LONG LONG PAUSE as I LOOK to CAF for some backup. CAF is chatting away on the phone trying to make arrangements with our escort for the evening, Mr. Melnyk. Think quick. Think quick.
LONGER PAUSE

I LOVE THOSE PEOPLE! I exclaim.
I mean, I love you people. You are the prettiest people.
LONGER PAUSE AS ODDLY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN LOOKS TO HER BROTHER (who had first posed the question) FOR SOME COMFORT AS TO WHY AMERICANS ARE WEIRD AND RUDE.

I mean (keep digging, Betsy....You people are the prettiest people.
LONGER PAUSE AND CONFUSION GROWING IN THE FACES OF OUR NEW FOREIGN FRIENDS
In the Miss America pagent.

Some how that conversation dissipates. Brother asks for our numbers. I dont do that I proclaim and hand him a business card instead. Oddly enough the business card had both a bible verse and a number of some other fellow on the back. Nice.
We scatter quickly.
__________________________________________

Funny thing. Not until that night on the way home from Hole in the Wall (yes, this wraps up story #2) did I recall what I had said regarding the Georgian woman (country of) and the Miss America pageant. We laughed until I peed.
___________________________________________

Kidding. I didnt pee.

__________________________________________

Earlier in the night we are on the way to Blackburn park for Sunset Cinema. If you are not familiar - my church throws big events and lots of people always show up. I was really not feeling the agenda this eveing but I wanted to play with CAP that night so I figured I would stop by the movie with her so we could then leave early and do as we pleased. So during the 4 mile trip with the windows down and a little Fray in the background I start telling some story to which I comment....You know, I just try my hardest not to offend people. I am sometimes too careful to not BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

I quickly jolt the Honda back over on to my side of the road in hopes to not have yes, offended the poor man whose lane I decided to go the wrong way in.....
Nice.
____________________________________________

Story 3 can go without really telling. Just put it this way. My friend and I go to Hole in the Wall after a trip to Pool Hall (How is that I go out 3 times a year and everytime I see the same 20 people who say "Where have you been." I say - I dont go out much. They say, "me neither." Funny - I think: I have seen you the last 2 times that I have ever been here....go figure???) This story would do nothing for you unless you had never been to Hole in the Wall (literally- that's what it is)- ever and you didnt really know what you were getting into. And if you had attended an extremely conservative college and thought it was going to be a low key night.

Thank goodness our buff-hot-buddy Mr. Melnyk was there to control the crowd.
______________________________________________

I love random nights in the Dirty Dirty.

Thanks Holly

When each day is the same as the next, it's because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives each day that the sun rises.

This is from my favorite book that I had given to two of my dear friends to read while in Africa. Well, 4 months later but perfectly timed, Holly (click on link to read today's post 7.12.06)) was able to finish it and in more perfect timing, she reminded me today on her blog of so many lessons that I learned while reading. Obviously, per my previous post....I was looking for some fresh perspectiveve and found it. I pray for a thankful heart so that in even the mildewing shower I can find joy! One of my favorite worship songs is "I will not forget you" on the Enter the Worship Circle cd. Here are the words...Let it be my prayer today!

Many men will drink the rain
And turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear you speak
But they will never turn around

I will not forget you
You are my God my King
With a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what you can give
But what I alone can give to you

Chorus
A grateful heart I give
A thankful prayer I pray
A wild dance I dance before you
A loud song I sing
A huge bell I ring
A life of praise I live before you

Where is Betsy?

Far far away.
Floating in some other hypotehtical world far far away.
No, I am not smoking.
I know it is Wednesday but really..?...??...a Wednesday in the middle of Ju-freaking-ly????? What have I been doing all year long? Is it really another Wednesday in another July in the 21st century (is that right?)

I was in the shower this morning looking at the odd space we have for a shower in the upstairs bathroom (It is not any particular shape that we learned in kindergarten). I was staring at the funny orange color that has slowly evolved in the corner of the ceiling from the steam in the shower. I stare at this orange funk everyday. I have taken more showers in that shower than any other place I have lived sice highschool. Mind blowing to me but maybe a little TMI for you. What have I done in between all of those showers over the past 2 years?

I wrote a previous blog in the past few months about how I am not good with change. And wouldn't you know I am standing there in the shower about to get to the 2nd shampooing that I routinely do and I am wanting change so badly that I start creating it myself. I jumped straight to the leg shaving segment rather than finishing with the hair. I even turned the water to that uncomfortable place just slightly south of warm. Yes, Gnarles, I am crazy!

Yes, I know I am just talking about minor changes but it is symbolic of desired change on a much broader spectrum. So maybe really, we always want what we can't have or we wish we were where we weren't or there is just not any win-win situation in this stage of the game? Maybe my resistance to change lead to my learning to embrace it and now I am just ready for the action piece of this whole plan? Maybe there are too many question marks in this blog???

Needless to say, as much as I adore my living conditions and even love the oddly shaped shower and sharing the shower with Catie (not at the same time) and I love smelly couch and our shady neighbors and a dirty kitchen. . .Even though I have become used to the opposite lock on the front door and iti s now second nature to turn the key to the left rather than the right to unlock...and even though I dont even notice the foul stinch in the basement or the koolaid stains on the counter....I wonder if I will ever be in another place. Yes, literally as in location but figuratively too....I really can't fathom it. Do we really all just float on? as Mr Modest Mouse proclaims??? Granted, this may be the cup is broken and cracked perspective that I am sharing today and tomorrow I will once again feel purposeful but for today, in the shower and often as I complete those routine things that I do on a daily basis - I do feel like the Wednesdays are just floating by. I hope I didnt rain on your parade today - I am really not feeling negative just feeling like I am watching everything go by as I am drifting in one of those big Goodyear blimps.

Soon enough I am sure I will fall off the side of the blimp and then once again beg for some sort of serenity and consistency. Hopefully in the mean time I find a healthy balance between complacency and aspiration. Until then I'll keep watching the orange funk climb down the wall.

Happy Wednesday!

Thus begins our crazy night O-fun in the Atl. movie, starbucks, Pool Hall and a little pole dancing that's all. Ha! 

Farewell Gray! Our dear friend is moving out west young man - havent you been told, Jackson is full of whisky, women and gold. Seriously, times are a changing and it is kinda scary (future blog). We'll be sending Gray off in fashion in a few weeks at the lake. 

A few pics from the weekend.....I heart HIBACHI!!!  

Drive and drive and drive

If life is a highway then I want to ride it. I cant ride it all night long because honestly, I can't stay up past midnight and function. Proof today. I am pooped. I am exhausted. Physically: my buns and every part of my leg that I never knew existed ache all from a good Funk class Friday night. Yes, I dance in a mirror with about 15 other middle aged folks and I love it. During that hour I am convinced I'd make a gay man straight. Friday: 5:30-6:30 may be my favorite hour of the entire week. My second favorite is pilates on Saturdays. Needless, yesterday I was a little antsy for no reason. I couldnt make any decisions about even what color of socks to wear and so I went back up to the Concourse (my gym) for the 2nd time. I ran stairs until my legs were throbbing and shaking and then wobbled out the door with everything I had left in me. Hence the soreness.
My mind is exhausted too.
My eyes just started to water.
I want to hop in the Honda with the moonroof open and really drive til I hit Tulsa.
Seriously.
Not to run from anything. Dont be mistaken.
I want to put on my new favorite 937 songs that I just reloaded on the new ipod. What a chore this was! Do you know how hard it is to put every memory and every feeling I hope to feel that every song I love portrays into one mini-player? This was an all afternoon process. So, no, not to run really from any one thing. And not because when I get back I think things will be different.
I want to go back to camp Greystone like in summer of 2001. I want to make the drive through Georgia and the Carolinas and breathe easy again.I speak of it often. We ate cheesey chicken for dinner and had the most perfect apples every day at 11 to hold us over for lunch. I expent all of my energy throughout the mid morning and then the bell rang after lunch and I would grab my mail. I ALWAYS had a letter. And then the rain would come. Almost perfectly the rain would come. Every single afternoon. I'd read my mail, write atleast 3 letters and then nap like I'd never napped before. The rain would beat on the tin roof the whole time.
My family was really far away. My friends were all scattered. I'd really never been so far away from everything I loved for any extended period of time. And I was at peace beyond comprehension. I talked to God throughout the day like He were courting me. I would tell Him on the way to my first class of the morning that I was tired and that I needed strength. I would let the tears come and just hit the dirt as I walked down the small hill beyond the lake because I missed my family. I woke up every morning without an alarm around 5:40 and went and ran up the hill as the sun would begin to peer from the east of the camp. I dint question. God did something so powerful and so real to me that summer and it had to do with my genuine trust. I knew He wanted my best despite what the circumstances might show. I grasped that which He so desires...my heart.
I want to go back to St. Thomas street in Charleston too. I want to run to the Battery and watch the sun come up over the bay. I want to sit on our porch in the afternoon and drink a lemonade (maybe even with that splash of tequila (ashley!)) and laugh until my tomach cramps and look into the smiles of some of my favorite people and feel like a favored princess. God is sweet beyond understanding. I want to serve a God that I dont understand. I dont want to understand Him for if I did that would mean He is only as Big as I am. I dont want to be able to understand His ways. I know why He does what He does and that is nourishing alone. He finds ways to our hearts. He doesnt want that thing which I cling to. He wants what that thing leads to which is my heart.
I have been in a rut. You know it.
I feel it.
It's been a few years now to be honest. In everything I do I do seek to praise God who is the Gift-giver. I fail often. But really, even in my aknowledgement - I have been in a valley.
The whole drive to Greystone that summer I listened to Ginny Owen's beautiful words about these valleys we encounter. And I purged myself of any further tear I could shed. I had fractured my ankle in junior camp 3 weeks prior and my parents had dropped me off on a corner in Athens and I headed to NC while they headed to Boston. I kept thinking this may not be the way I would have chosen...when you lead me through a world that's not my own. But I know that He never says it'll be easy. He just says we'll never go alone. CS Lewis said it simply as well, He is not safe but He is good.
I pulled up to the camp and really my senses were on overload. Everything even down to the smell and the density of the air was comforting all the way to the bone. Thus you can see why I want to get in my car in drive. I know it had something to do with the place but more so with the place God had me. It was my vulnerability that lead to my dependibility. I crave the summer of 2001 and the summer following in Charleston. Not to say life since was anything but fabulous. I just know that is where I first began to really trust Him. It is where I began to know Him initimately. And you think it gets easier as we get older and surely wiser? It really doesnt does it?
My stomach is literally flipping as I write this and I have that icky feeling in my throat. Everything in me utterly desires to let go like I did that summer. I allowed God to pursue me. I didnt resist. I didnt think I could do it on my own. He only allowed me to think about the moment. And I think because I squeezed every drop of goodness out of every moment then that that is why I can still feel the serenity once felt in my veins. And it makes me want it again.
Apart from intimacy with our Creator - we will always want more of everything. Nothing on this earth can fully satisfy us and I know that and I am thankful that He has created in me a constant desire to want more and to long for more. In all circumstances, my lips do praise Him. This has been a lesson in the making as I have lolligagged in this little rut the past few years. It doesnt mean we like where we are presently. It may not mean that we are comfortable. It just means we find praise and the overflow of my heart is praise.
Shawn McDonald is singing melodies in my ear as I type. Hear I am with my arms open wide. This is where I am God. My arms are spread. I am open to Your lead. I will embrace your direction. I can not do it on my own ....Lay myself at your feet. Asking you wont You meet me.
On the way to Tulsa. (Or maybe just around 285 a few times but nonetheless.....windows down, every song that says it all for me on the speakers and no where definite to arrive and no time frame to abide.)
I want to yearn for you my God. I want to yearn for you.

Help me to never get enough of You all the while reminding me to trust that You surpass my realm of understanding. It is that place of balance that my body longs for.

Yes,inspiration is: Tom Cochrane - Life is a Highway (for real)
Shawn McDonald - Here I am
Ginny Owens - Valleys

Ahhhhh......a picture contains a thousand words. Back of the boat, perfect temperature, perfect breeze, no cell phones, yummy burgers, fireworks on the way, Kenny Chesney on the speakers, a few frozen concoctions....ahhhhhhh 

The 4th of July crew on the boat after we cooked out on the sandbar. Yes, pretty splendid 4th of July.  

Tomi and a few of the ladies in West Palm Beach this past weekend. I am so blessed with such precious friends. Praise God for such a fabulous weekend. 

Little sea shells everywhere

I mean everywhere! I love the water. I love the beach. I love being with 18 other beach-happy friends and I love cramming into a few Florida houses for a few days of fourth of July fun. I do not love little itty bitty sea shells that make up the Atlantic coast. I have scrubbed every nook and cranny 3 times over and I go to bed at night and still find little shells sticking to me in odd places. And, really, that is the worst of it...otherwise, I am eating like a queen and enjoying the turqouise water and soaking up the rays and the laughs like there is no tomorrow. i havent checked my phone. My email is off and I just went to download this trips Top 20 theme songs off Itunes and thought I'd send a little red-white-and-blue love. Tomorrow we are going back out on the boats to the sandbar to cookout and take part in the festivities. I have a new navy bathing suit and red toes (and red cheeks now!) We are having a fish fry tonight and then going out to a restaurant/bar on the beach. You wish you were here. I do too. I wish everyone I loved were here. Wherever you are I hope you are enjoying the down time. Happy Birthday America! I love birthdays!

Note to self:Self,when you get back you have to start deciding what might happen with this life of yours. No more vacation sweetie.

And just in case you were wondering....the top tracks for the trip:

You are my joy
Ridin Dirty
Chasing Cars
Prmoiscuous
Whatta Man...yes, old school
And, yes, the new Paris Hilton song
And for Robin - "#1" by Nelly