Preach the gospel always,
If necessary use words.

St. Francis of Assisi

broken promises

I know. I promised. I let you down. I havent come through. I will when it is right. This week I can't keep my head out of the clouds....I can't seem to make any decisions and I honestly dont even know how I like my eggs cooked.

Here is what I do know:
- I am full from this past weekend of rich rich blessings.
-This week has been bitter in that the weekend fromheaven is over and sweet in that it was so so good and beyond just the goodness in the pictures.
- I have slept like a professional this week. The kind of sleep that is interrupted for nothing except Tuesday I woke myself up crying because I dreamed I was going back to college and had to live in a room with my sister with turquoise walls. (love you mary - turquise walls overwhelm me obviously.) Literally, crying y'all!!!
-The warm in my bed is in perfect combination with the ice that is hanging from my bedroom doorway. Hence the ability to stay in my bed in the morning and continue to dream crazy things.
-I LOVE my trampoline. Ooops....take that back. I dont have a trampoline (on the record.) Charlsie says we could be sued for just having it in the back yard whether or not it is ever used. Charlsie can now write JD after her name so she knows. My non-trampoline that I dont have has the most amazing bounce in it because it is so old and rustic. You can literally touch the top of the perfectly painted trees.
-Sweet potatoes have all the nutrients needed for some cultures to survive. Sweet potatoes are so vital to the Duna people for survival and for their economy. I am class these days as you should know and last week we learned about the amazing Duna people in Papa NewGuinea (i honestly have no start as to how to spell that...Ill look it up if I remember). The instructor had lived among them for years. The first few years he spent just learning and writing down their language because it had never been done. Naturally, (but is it so natural?) after several more years the Duna people began to learn from the 'white man' that lived among them. He continued to show us the story of the Duna people and their remarkable step of faith. Our professor taught them about the saving grace of Jesus. Where in the gospels Jesus says I am the bread of Life....the Duna people have no concept of bread because all supplies aside from harvested food is flown in every few months. Hence bread is a rarity. But the Duna understand sweet potatoes! When a Duna man or woman becomes a follower of Jesus they say that Jesus lives in their stomach because like me, their stomach is where they believe their soul is....I like these folks! More so, Jesus IS their sweet potato. Jesus is my chocolate chip cookie with peanut butter morsels. He is my vanilla latte! I love the simple faith of these people. I love that I get to learn about them and I love that God has completely transformed every thought I ever had before about my faith through this class. God, why bless me to hear such beautiful stories? To whom much is given much can be expected right?
- I know that my family is in town tomorrow night and mama is cooking and there is nothing in town I would rather do than eat mama's cookin and drink wine and tell stories and feel my family's unconditional love.
- I know NOTHING is certain and still I am embracing my uncertainty.
-I know I can't wait for a day of rain to hopefully slow me down.
- I know the house is clean and I feel terrific because I am results oriented and would clean the house 4 times over just to feel the satisfaction I feel when cleaning. OCD? Never.
- I know I miss Ashley, Charlsie and my other house guests.

I know I know nothing but will treat each day as a new one full of opportunities to share my joy with you and your neighbor and their sister and your mother's friend! God's joy is for everyone!

Preach the gospel everywhere and when necessary use words. That's what I know....Thank you Francis!

Life is good..... 

So full

It feels like the afternoon after Thanksgiving dinner where everything creamy and cheesy and sinful is just sitting in my belly. I lie on the sofa and watch the boys watch football and just smile because I am so full and so content. This weekend was decadent. This weekend was nutritious. This weekend was energizing. This weekend does not have a word to label it. I am so full that my joy is literally popping out of my fingernails.

I want to come through your screen and sit in front of you and let you see my face. My cheeks are glowing. My eyes are bright. I am so full.

Forgive me too as I am so full I have to go to bed. The richness of the weekend has hit me and I must crawl into my warm bed in my cold room and continue to thank God for the ooey gooey middle of the oreo that I experienced this weekend. My cuppeth truly runneth over.


Sweet potato and weekend stories to come.

Jesus is my sweet potato

You are going to want to come back for this one.
Stay tuned.

simple

All of life comes down to just one thing and that's to know you, Jesus, and to make you known.
That's it.
I won't lie. I have a hard time seperating that one thing from everything else I am supposed to do, need to do, want to do, from what is done to me. Every single decision, encounter, desire, ambition, interaction, experience, goal, relationship, trial, accomplishment, word, date, possibility, opportunity - all of it - it is about just that one thing.

I pray that I am thirsty for the first part of the sentence so that the last part of the sentence is as natural buckling my seatbelt or brushing my teeth. It's a scary thing to pray for thirst for knowledge of God because often times we most learn about His character when we experience Him firsthand and often times those hands on experiences do not come without trials. Therefore, I haven't whole heartedly prayed this maybe ever but I know I am at a place where I want to truly know Him above any thing else. The more I know You the more I can reflect You. The more I reflect You the more You are seen. The more You are seen the more You are invited to do even more than I could have expected by just wanting to know You more.

All of life truly does come down to just this one sentence with a powerful and in the middle. The two go hand in hand. If you know him you'll want to make Him known.

Sensation overload

I had to leave the living room with all of my roommates to be able to write this in hopes to recreate it in my head. As I was running today at the mountain I was writing this entire blog. I wanted to savor every single parcel of this run today. Every color, every rain drop, every step, every breath, every break in the trees, every leaf.....every last ounce of it. Kennesaw mountain is literally heaven to me. I've eurorailed through Europe, rode a fairy in the midst of the Swiss alps. Ive hiked part of the Grand Canyon and seen the shores of Costa Rica. Not that I am Carmen Sandiego or anything but I have seen some pretty fascinating places. My mountain surpasses it all. The trails around the mountain during the start of fall are my very own walk to Emmaus..
Every time I set foot on the back part of the trails I feel 16 again. After school let out and cheerleading practice was over I would head up to Burnt Hickory and run the long hill through the woods, across the bridge to the Cheatham Hill monument. Usually, I timed it just perfect so that as I made the near 6 mile (roundtrip) trek home the sun would start to fall right behind me. I'd climb the .25 mile up Pigeon Hill and watch the rest of the sun fall behind the clouds. Just typing that makes everything else seem a little lighter. These days the trees have grown just so that you can barely see over them at the top of the hill...Reminder that life truly is all around us whether we are present to experience it.
Today I ran the first leg of the run maybe the fastest I have ran in a long time. I am not sure where this energy came from. I had set aside this day to rest from the craziness over the last few weeks and all of a sudden I find myself sprinting up the hill. I made it to the end of the near 3 miles in record time and then turned to head back to the car. It took me about the same time to get back but it literally felt like hours that I was roaming through the woods. I didn't pass one person on the way home. Let me try my best to describe this to you. I really wanted each of you to experience this today.
There is color splashed all around you as if you are literally in the middle of one of those paintings that the older-bearded man does on tv. There is just enough orange and yellow to know that the colder weather is right around the corner. The orange smells slightly sweet with a little bit of tartness - just the way it looks. It's that same smell that you remember when you were younger and you'd smell on Saturdays when you woke up and the doors were open and the whole backyard was covered in an array or brown and orange and red and yellow. You'd throw on some dirty jeans and a sweat shirt and hit the backyard to jump in the plethora of color. Okay, back to today....The trees are still very covered with leaves so except for the occasional breaks in the trees - you are literally running through a tunnel of amazing colors. But then you do hit a break in the trees and there is a small hole that lets the tired-afternoon rays of the sun right through. Today as I ran the last mile I could tell that the sun was just about to dip right behind me. Everything was oddly still and slightly dim for the time of day and I started to feel an occasional rain drop. The rain fell the last mile home just enough to cool me off but not enough to cause me to think twice about it and then as I rounded the last corner and the trees began to break there was truly the most glorious sunset I have tasted in a long time. It was one of those odd afternoons where the clouds are bright and the sun bounces behind them and the blue in the sky radiates but for some weird reason and from no where there is rain. I don't count any of this as coincidence. I ran with my ipod but I had it off the majority of the time as it is one of my favorite times to thank God for my legs and my knees that work marginally and for my heavy breathing and for the solitude and the energy and the color and the smell and the sounds and the serenity of this place so close to the city. But as I passed the break in the trees I turned on the ipod to find the most fitting song for the moment. The shuffle button was on (my favorite) and without even touching a thing I hear the song of all 968 that I wanted to hear. I really don't believe in coincidence.

You come to me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down the busy mind
Find a hiding place
Worthy
Worthy
Open up my heart and let my spirit worships Yours
Open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy
You are worthy
Of a childlike faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed loved
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love

The violin sings in the background as if there is a perfect soundtrack to this entire scene. I open my hands and run the last 1/10 of a mile as hard and as fast as I can, past my body's threshold and I sing Worthy, You are worthy over and over and over....

What is funny is that I used to do this because I was a runner. I craved a tough 7 or so mile run daily. People new I liked to run. People saw me run. They wanted to know how to run and they'd ask. I hadn't done any phenomenal running type things but I just ran alot and anywhere....Italy, Athens 400 times over, California, camp, in the morning, late at night....you name it. I liked this identity. I didn't realize at the time that it labeled me at all or that maybe I had self-labeled my desire to run. As you know, the past 2 years my running abilities have been extremely limited and to be completely honest any running I do these days is in complete defiance of my body's natural radar for pain. My knees throb at the thought of running but there is a part of me that will not stop until I really can't. The last surgeon I went to suggested a rare surgery in order to hopefully fix my knees so I could enjoy the quality of life I desire. This means a year in rehab overall to fully heal both legs. I have had too much other stuff lately going on to even consider this option. Therefore, I take Mobic, the miracle drug, and run through the pain hoping that along one of these runs I might run into my old identity again. I want it back - I wont lie. You always want what you cant have....but as much as I want it back I know that my inability to run the way I would like is for a reason. Maybe I never really was a runner and maybe you never thought that about me but in some weird way the world told me I was that kind of achiever and I have fought 2 years now to hold on to whatever it is that I had thought about myself.

Nonetheless, whenever I get to run freely and without time limit like today I literally praise God for every single step. I know the day is near when I really wont be able to last through the pain and I honestly can not imagine not being able to get lost in the scenery as I did today. You can't do that in a pool. You cant do that in a gym. It can only happen outside - among God's creation. It's not the same from a car window or even a high mountain. No postcard nor picture nor video camera nor blog can fully recreate the magnitude and gratitude for my experiences deep in the woods. You are truly worthy, God, of all of my praise.

Now to ice my knees and pray for yet another experience like today in the near future. Thank You.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I didn't even mention the icing on the cake. After my afternoon in Eden I went to mama's house for some home cookin! Are you kidding me? Is this really my life. Cute Carter was home and we enjoyed the most fabulous dinner, twice baked potatoes and all and then we saw mama and daddy's pictures from their recent trip. I saw picture after picture after picture of the Swiss Alps that mama and daddy hiked and played in for 2 weeks. I 'ooed' and 'ahhhed' and I meant it whole heartedly but a little part of me knew that my run through the woods today takes home the cake. God's glory is literally right below us. Thank you, God, for my 5 lovely senses!

Post-baptism. Lovely. 

Slow dancin in a burning room

You had me at "hello, Birmingham", Mr. Mayer. Never before have I really been a die hard John Mayer fan. I tend to steer away from anything too mainstream or so I think. I was asked to take a day trip to the lovely town of Birmingham yesterday in order to be seduced under the stars. I accepted the invitation gladly and then rushed out Friday to buy the new cd. This was fun in itself. Normally I just download the new cd's that interest me but do you recall the joy of actually holding a real CD case? Invigorating. Nonetheless, I have stained the cd the last 4 days. I mean over and over and over and over. Mayer hit the spot in his latest cd titled, Continuum. It's everything I like in my ears. A little bluesy part jazz mostly soulful but an all around body massage to your ears. You feel me? It is good! Anyway, lastnight I swayed and shimmied all night to Mayer's smooth voice and the occassional brass horn in the background. Aghhh......my heart was stolen lastnight and I have a feeling Ill be riding this cloud all week long.

I was on craigslist today trying to see if I could secure a ticket for the Atlanta show this weekend. I may be that girl and go both nights. 3 days to make something happen, Betsy!

20/20 vision not so much these days. Thanks Paige and Keri for making me laugh until my stomach cramps!  

I love my highschoolers! Happy 16th Katherine! 

Certainly uncertain

My mama called me today to give me a recap on her 2 weeks in Germany and Switzerland. I feel like my parents were gone for months and in between there was a whole bunch of life that happened. I really missed them too. Normally when they take these trips they are contacting us so often that I barely notice they are gone but this time I really missed talking to my parents especially amid the ups and downs of the past few weeks.
So naturally she asked me how my week was and how my job is...her usual questions. To be honest, I really don't even have the energy to think about how my week or day was. I have overstretched myself again from work to volunteering to planning things, small group to birthdays and the like. I work best though when I am over extended. I have accomplished more things on that eternal checklist in the last 2 weeks than I have all year! I crave that type of pressure as I love seeing things checked off the list. Whether there is any benefit nor true reward in this - I don't know? Anyway, how was my week in one word...rich.
So rich you can only really take one bite of it...enough to taste it enjoy it but then you got to put the fork down for a little bit. God has opened my eyes to so much lately that I find my head churning at every red light, in the shower and everywhere in between.
God is BIG. Big isn't big enough to describe the big that I am thinking.
The end.

I wish I could just say that and have it's full meaning seep into your brain. My class this week was revolutionary. The professor was no extraordinary speaker even though she had done extraordinary things. Her delivery was solid though and you could tell because of her experiences that her words were filled with passion and personal conviction. She spoke specifically on the movement of the gospel from Jerusalem 2006 years ago. You know when you are listening to something and then you literally get swept up in the words and then your mouth hangs open and you find yourself literally experiencing whatever you are hearing? This is me. Mouth wide open, drool and that odd/ugly face that shows that I obviously don't think anyone is watching. Nice.
She gave beautiful specific examples of how the early disciples carried the message of Jesus' life and resurrection to those directly in their sphere of influence and then slowly to those who were not like them. She told stories of people and nations that had taken a stand for their beliefs in order that today we are even exposed to the truths in the bible. People have been passionate about their faith in Jesus for a long time! Newsflash to me. Seriously, somehow the pop culture that I tend to thrive in has made me think that our passion for authentic Truth is something unprecedented. I was so humbled to hear the stories of maybe one man living and dying in order to pass on the Truth that he had found. One man in particular was St. Patrick. When I think St. Patrick I think Savannah and green beer. Our professor on the other hand gave us a moving story of an Irish boy sold into slavery. This same boy eventually ends up impacting his entire nation for Christ. Cheers to that!
What a powerful feeling to realize as MJ said best once himself, you are not alone! I am encouraged by feeling the power that is unleashed as you realize that history has been shaped by the same undying passion that I feel for God among ordinary people just like me.
This was all Thursday night. Skip to Friday.
I am literally sitting on the grassy knoll outside of the conference center in which I am volunteering. It is 75 degrees and not a cloud in the sky and my friends, 10,000 other leaders and a few of my friends were soaking up the afternoon after a morning of fabulous teaching. We end up meeting some conference attenders that were out of towners. We make great small talk and 6 hours later we are all sitting around a dinner table enjoying eachothers stories and introductions. God is so big.
Had you asked me if our little fortunate encounter would bare any impact on my week when we first met I would have told you it was like any other casual meeting (of what happens to be cute boys!) Then, as I sit happily among new friends and old I have one of those oddly comforting moments when you know that there a lot more than what meets the eye. Our new friends are extremely talented soccer players who have used their God-given skills to take them to countries I couldn't begin to pronounce. They go to play soccer and they go to share the love of God. One of our newest friends does this as a living every single day. God is working through a little white and black ball. How refreshing to sit among someone who has his passion and purpose written on his heart. Earlier that day my friend Sally asked me if I was ready to know what it is that God wanted to do with me. Often I so easily say that I want to do something bigger and bolder with my days. Then Sally asks this question and I wonder if I even know yet what it is that I want to be bigger and bolder for???
Hence the title of this random post - I am certain about one thing when it comes to my role here on this side of heaven: I am uncertain. I am uncertain and I am perfectly okay with that. This week I fully realized the power in the present moment. As I say often but obviously I don't listen to myself - I am where I am right now for a reason. Maybe I do not even know yet what it is that I am supposed to be passionate about...is it corporate ministry??? Is it singles in the city of Atlanta? Is it starving African children or is it simply (but profoundly) those unnoticed people that run in and out of each of our days? No answer. I do know certainly though that my uncertainty is not left to fend for itself. I have learned that I am where I am for a reason and I am learning something for some reason yet to be known. I am being molded and refined and though I thought it should have happened a year or two ago - God is always refining something. Thank, God, right? How dreadful to be complacent in the middle of uncertainty? Yuck.
So, yes, mama, my week was great. I enjoyed taking bubble baths in your jaccuzzi tub while you were away and I enjoyed making my eggs in the morning on your luxurious stove that so perfectly makes my eggs. I loved spending time with my baby sister and I loved having someone else to worry about. I attended an amazing conference and I was able to run every afternoon at the mountain at the perfect time of day. The weather has been perfect and my business is doing great. I am uncertain though and I love it! My eyes have been opened even more so to the small but intricate role I may be playing in the big story of God. I feel like I have said this for 2 years now but I know God is up to something even amid the uncertainty. I know I will be used and even better - I even know in my refinement I am being used now. What I'll be doing next month? Great question. The only thing I know is the only thing I need to know is that God knows and I don't and I trust. Among all the uncertainty I trust.

I think I can take another bite now.

Love love love

I love printing lots and lots of papers on my HP LaserJet 1160 and then holding them close to my chest and letting them warm my little arms.
That is so weird!
For the third time today I have killed yet another Pine tree I suppose by printing out my old cell phone bill statements. Hold all 22 warm pages right close to you and it does wonders. Then, even better - since I dont open bills that come in the mail until tax time, I have been reading through the 22 or 23 pages that outline each and every phonecall.
This is weird too!
You can really see where your time goes. I have come to despise the cell phone. More so, I despise text messaging unless you have a really good message. I love the PIN feature on crackberry though so pin the heck out of me.

And one more thing I love love love today....buying pants one size too big! I have had 4 lovely angels ask if I was eating these days cause my clothes looked big! What a novel idea, Betsy. I might write this trick in a book and sell it to all you crazy people who fall for the newest fad diet every week. I'll make a fortune, give half away and buy a large boat with a double deck and live on it in the Atlantic somewhere down near the Georgia islands. I love love love the Georiga coast along with my warm papers and oversized pants.

On to Starbucks for my tall vanilla latte over ice that I love love love when it is a little warm outside. There I will do my homework for my class tomorrow night that I love love love. I even love love love homework these days!

Make it a great Wednesday, kids. Fall is here and I love love love fall!

Nothing by chance

It's not merely a luck of the draw that I am sitting on my parent's back porch on a random Tuesday in October. My parents are travelling in Europe and I am doing a terrible job of attending to my teenage sister. No worries, mama, no parties or body piercings that I know of, I only forgot she needed lunch yesterday - that's all. I needed this week with my sister though. I couldn't have timed our week together any more perfectly. Busyness is no excuse for any relationship but recently without admitting it it has been my excuse with many people I adore. Every relationship that means anything to us has to be worked on more than a few times a year. It is extrememly inconvenient playing mom for a week when everything you do happens within a 4 mile radius inside the perimeter. It is inconvenient too trying to secure any type of business for the month. I am truly blessed by the inconvenience though. Amid my 'single' lifestyle - It is so refreshing to have someone else to worry about during the day. I am so grateful that I am where I am in my career that I can casually work from remotely this week and really enjoy having some responsibility aside from caring for myself.
Yesterday, too, an unexpected gift landed in my lap. I almost hate to even mention it due to the whole counting chickens theory. This sounds routine to anyone in my business but I know it isnt just chance that a huge chunk of my October business literally landed on my doorstep! People in my industry would point to the 3 years I have worked hard for opportunities like the one I received yesterday to come my way. But this was nothing I did, really. My good fortune yesterday is alot more than just a good number to put on the sales board. It is much more than a paycheck as well. I am sure I do not even know fully the effects but I do know it is more than just another sale. It is God knowing I needed the confidence. It is Him knowing that this small step was a critical part of a story He is putting together involving my career direction. I am not sure where things are headed. I couldnt even tell you what might happen tomorrow but I know there is a plan. I know I was called to be used boldly. "Called" sounds kinda silly. I didn't hear anything but I have been confirmed when I dont even deserve confirmation that God wants to use me mightly to do His work here on earth. There is no better an opportunity than to know your passions and skills are being used for God's glory. There is no greater rush to your veins than feeling like you are right in the middle of God's will for your life.
I'm not there but I am motivated by the energy that I feel when I am.

There is only one response to this and it is not by chance that a dear friend of mine emailed this to me about 45 minutes ago. Thank You for eveidence of Your hand in my life.

I will thank you, Lord, with all my heart;
I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done.
I will be filled with joy because of you.
I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.
(Psalm 9:1)