The word really isnt that attractive at first glance and to be honest has glazed my vocabulary for the first 24 years. It sounds too much like 'weak' and I think in our society and human nature alone, weakness never has any positive connotation. Isn't it funny though, how God chooses to chizzle away at certain parts of us -the selfish 'us' - not the unique/creative 'us' - at different times in life. I confess, I have often looked at friends who should be in the same place of life learning the same lessons but somehow they seem to get around them and wonder if God will ever shed the same truths to them as He is me??? As everything is, it is all timing. So I think it is neat that God could be refining my pride in myself right now where He could be teaching you about your confidence in Him as a beautiful creation. And that is just it - not really my pride in anything that the world associates one being prideful with.....more so just pride in myself and i my own world.
A few weeks ago one of my roommates mother and I were decorating our funky Christmas tree before the big Christmas throwdown at our house (and, yes, we have no pride in our parties at all....you only hear about them all year long!)...needless to say, I was asking her about her time on staff with Campus Crusade as I was lightly considering some ventures as well ( rephrase: God opened some huge, exciting doors and I was very inquisitive)...Lets back up: she is a wise lady in one whom you would think has a direct coffee and chat time with Jesus face to face everymorning because she is that at peace - with everything... even the finicky Christmas decorations that were misbehaving. She began to tell me about meekness and I was so baffled by her generous words. I had never - really never - learned nor thought of this beautiful concept...that to be meek in spirit is basically to forego my rights to be effected by the world. If I am full of Christ and emptied of myself than I should truly not be consummed by things, opinions, expectations and dissappointments of this world. I know this is basic. You can put me in that category of basic thinkers because I love the simplicity and beauty of Christ. I am not mistaking His grace for a lack of zeal for His ways but more so embracing the beautiful message of the cross and what it means to be meek for God. I can't get this out of my head. I really can't. It's like a new word when you hear it for the first time and then over and over again and you wonder where you were or where the word was all these years before. Not that I haven't grasped or tried to grasp the idea of being humble before God - but this was different to me and so applicable. How often during your day do you find yourself wanting to react, defend, confront, or question the ways of the world to you....now yes, you can choose to ignore these daily nuicances or you can pray as I am learning from the beginning to genuinely not be effected by the things of the world in the first place. Truly. I am not talking big things like abortion and materialism and such but the daily things.....someone not returning your phone call, someone forgetting your birthday, your boss having a not-so great conversation with you, experiencing competition with those around you, someone blowing your expectations. Who is to say we really can have an expectation at all? All we have been given is a gift.
Does this resignate with anyone but me? My friend's mom possesses a youthfulness from which I think only comes from her ability through the holy spirit to literally die to the ways of the world or as she puts it to "lose her rights to react to the world." Dont mishear this - it has nothing to do with losing your voice or your zeal or your spunkiness -and it doesnt mean that we are heartless either, rather the opposite: our heart really is so thirsty to see God's ways in others and ourself that we are able to look past the daily nuicences for a greater work of God to be done (most often not right away). (Timeout: I listened to Beth Moore the whole way back from Passion on Thursday and I hear myself starting to talk/write like her. Easily persuaded much, Betsy? She would say in her sweet Southern roar, "Do ya hear what I'm sayin now? Do ya' hear me loud?"..pps - I actually just did a pretty good interpretation.)
Okay, timein: Meekness. I want to be meek before the Lord. This is hard for me really because if you know me at all you know that I often usurp control in situations and I get very passionate in even the little moments so it is hard for me to step back and let go fully of a moment or instance. But geez, ever since that Saturday where God just smacked me with this new thing that He is working on in me - I can't help but think of the word in every single thing I do and say. There is a book, Sermon on the Mount. This is a secret but Katie, I think I picked yours up many a year ago in college and read a little and the few pages always resognate in my thoughts. Then, ironically - but really what is irony? So let's say purposely - Katie's mama mentioned that Saturday the teachings of Meekness in this very book. My birthday is Sunday and I love Birthdays because I think people need to be celebrated so I have no shame telling you - anyway, for my birthday I know the only thing (okay, there are 2 and mama know's one of them) but the other - the only other thing I want to treat myself to is this new book, Sermon on the Mount.
I pray I can learn meeknes and pray that Christ will bear much fruit as He makes this thing new in me. This meekness thing. ...How freeing!
Okay, I have to go to bed now. I can not sleep during another entire 7 am meeting. More so, for some reason it smells like a dead rodent in my living room (disguting I know) and if I go to bed it negates the fact that there may really be a dead rat... atleast until tomorrow. Now that is yuck - right slap in the middle of my pleasantness!
G'night.
